The Problem With Phobia's
by Donequis
Summary: Our boys have always been rather strong and infallible, until their deepest darkest secret gets out in rather amusing ways.
1. Heero and the Bug Issue

Hello, and welcome. This is complete and utter rubbish, as our boys have total balls. I just found the idea very amusing and wished to share. This will go through all our boys, possibly the girls and men, and involve some type of phobia.

Warnings: Swearing, Violence

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

Enjoy.

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The Problem With Phobias

Heero and The Bug Issue

Heero twitched at the obnoxious buzzing noise, growling as the fly landed on his laptop screen and he shooed it away and got back to typing up his report.

He focused on the words on the screen and dredged up his train of thought, his fingers flying across the keyboard, growling as he had to go back and fix his grammar and spelling, the fly beginning to distract his exhausted mind. How in the hell did the little pest even get into his room? He'd only opened the door three times in the past week.

He growled.

It was probably Duo's fault. The braided moron would be dealt with accordingly as he went back to typing, getting rather absorbed, not noticing when the little pest landed on his face until it started crawling, making his skin itch uncomfortably and his eye twitch, making the fly buzz obnoxiously loudly near his head until it settled. He held still, but apparently even breathing made the irritant unsettled because it was up and flying every few breaths. Around his head.

"Omaeo korosu!" He snapped at the little pest as he swatted at it. Missing. The fly continued flying around his head.

Heero didn't give a flying fuck that he might've been hallucinating when he heard the damned bug laugh, he just knew he now had to kill the little devil.

Immediately.

He grabbed for it, scowling when it buzzed off into the darkness of his room and he stood, flicking on his lights and looking around his room carefully, eyes landing on the pest and lighting up. Until he saw it was on the cieling two feet above his head.

Heero growled and leaped up, waving his hand a bit spastically, just barely unable to reach it and thus disturb the stupid fly. Until he took of his shoe and tried it again, nearly squishing him until the bugger gained a sudden sixth sense and left the ceiling just as he jumped up. He lunged, tripping and landing rather ungracefully on the floor.

Oh, it was on.

Heero jumped up and angrily dove, swatted, smacked, jumped and cursed for the next three hours, eye having a very firm twitch going on by the time he had the fly in his sights. He chucked his other shoe as fast and hard as he could, grinning victoriously as he finally squashed the little pest and could finally sleep. A week without rest was taxing enough. Just a few hours and he'd send that damn report in.

Curling up under the covers with a sigh of content, being a teenager for once in his life and grabbing a shoe, chucking at his left on light switch to turn it off since he'd decided he was to comfortable to get back up again.

He closed his eyes and was drifting into a dreamless sleep when one little sound made his eyes snap open and he slowly turned his head, rather roboticly, and spied a little twitching speck on the wall across from him.

Son of a bitch.

There had been two.

Heero's Prussian blue eyes narrowed but he decided ultimately that sleep was more important, and the thing was leaving him be. He just had to block out the noise, something he could easily do after sharing a room with Duo, who gave the term "sawing logs" a whole new meaning.

He closed his eyes again and curled up, getting comfortable when he heard the buzzing again.

The fly.

Was on.

HIS. FACE!

"Grahgh!" Heero snarled and smacked at it angrily, ultimately missing and ended up sprawled out on his bedroom floor with his pillow on top of his head and blankets wrapped around his legs.

He was cutting of Duo's braid. End of story. Fuck friendship if the ratbag let flies into his room.

His eye twitched rather violently and he squirmed as the fly tickled along a bare stretch of skin on his lower back.

"Why do you damn things exist!" He snarled as he turned only to watch that dastardly creature buzz off to the opposite end of his room.

He wanted sleep.

Now.

He grabbed his ever trusty shoe and began the game of man and fly once again, nearly having the creature a few times until it escaped barely by the seat of its ass. He chucked the shoe, snarling as his slowed reflexes allowed the fly to happily buzz off to another wall instead of kindly dying.

He noticed his Beretta on the desk.

He remembered it was still loaded and a malicious grin came over his face.

Ohoho! This was going to end now!

He snatched up the weapon and waited, keeping his drooping eyes peeled for the little creature, growing frustrated when it seemed to realize that it was in extreme amounts of danger and hid itself.

Clever little bastard.

So Heero resigned himself to waiting, laying back on his bed and closing his eyes, to perhaps catch a few moments rest.

He was jolted awake at the sound of his gun dropping onto the floor and groaned, rubbing at his aching eyes before leaning over and grabbing his weapon, a little confused as to why the hell he had it.

A buzz.

A heavy twitch of the eye.

Right.

"Alright you cheeky little bastard. You are going to die, right now." He murmured and lifted up his gun, smiling rather frighteningly as he sighted, not giving a flying fuck that it would probably ruin his window.

The fly would be dead, and he could sleep.

He fired, the sound ringing out in the empty house and the sound of glass shattering then tinkling onto the ground.

Thank god no one was home to see Heero brought down so low as to have to shoot out his own damn window to kill a bug.

But he got the fucker, and that was all that mattered.

As he settled in to sleep, he didn't realize that there out in a warm area, in the country.

A sad thing indeed for Heero.

Duo hummed happily as he finally arrived to their hide out at the moment, dropping his duffle on the floor and dropping onto the couch with a pleased sigh and laid his head back. Now he just had to close his eyes for a minutes...

A rather woman-esque squeal made Duo jump up and bolt towards the noise, weapon drawn as he kicked open the door just as a gunshot rang out and he kicked in the door, weapon drawn and ready for an attack.

All he saw was a gasping and wide eyes Heero holding his smoking gun at the wall.

He lowered his weapon in confusion. "Heero...?"

Heero blinked up at him rather stupidly before aiming at him and firing, nearly getting him in the face if it weren't for the fact that he dropped to the floor. "What the fuck?"

"You let those damn flies into my room didn't you? I'm going to kill you!" Heero snarled angrily.

"What the hell are you talking about Heero?" Duo demanded as he pushed himself back up, scowling angrily.

"You let flies into my room because you were in here. I didn't let any flies in. You're the only one whose been here with me." He lifted up his gun again, blinking in surprise when it was plucked from his fingers.

Duo knew Heero was ready to drop now, if he merely disarmed him by reaching out and just taking it. He didn't even really use that much force.

"Alright, you need to get to bed." Duo said and shook his head, nudging the other towards his mussed bed.

Heero puled back the covers and stiffened, leaping back and looking around frantically.

He didn't seemed to realize he'd let out a rather unmaly squeak and Heero peered over, snorting at the sight of just some large house spider.

Heero looked like he figured it to be an atomic bomb.

"Heero." He waited for a reaction while the other tried to find his trusty shoe. "Heero!" He snapped and the other snarled and turned to glare at him. "You just do this." Duo reached over and squashed the arachnid under his palm. Heero at first looked overjoyed, then when Duo nudged him into sleeping on the bed, Heero turning into a scared little girl at the thought of laying on a dead spider.

"Heero. Are... are you..." Duo snorted trying to hold back laughter at Heero's stricken look. "Are you afriad of-hah-spiders?" He covered his mouth so he could hold in the laughter better, snorting out his nose and bursting into hearty laughter when Heero scowled darkly, still edging back from his bed.

Duo rolled around of the floor whooping in laughter for a full ten minutes before he calmed and stood, wiping tears from his eyes. "Whew, oh man! Heero-I-Can-Look-At-My-Own-Broken-Bones-And-Ripped-Open-Meat-Without-Blinking is afraid of a little spider? Ha!" Duo snorted and Heero merely took his pillow and blanket and moved down to the living room.

Duo grinned rather maliciously as he thought up a fun way to torture the otherwise fearless and stone faced teen.

"Hey Heero, did you know that no matter where you go, you're no more than six feet from a spider?" He called out and Heero froze, mid step, turning wide eyes over at Duo as if to confirm and the braided devil nodded with a grin.

He wanted revenge.

Especially when he remembered that Heero had at first nearly killed him over some fucking flies. "And Heero?" He called as the boy was going down the stairs. "If you see a fly, a spider is only a foot away, hidden somewhere."

Heero made a small whimpering noise and Duo snorted, chuckling as he shook his head in disbelief and made his way to his own room. God, he loved when he got to stay with Heero.


	2. Those Damn Reptiles

Damn Reptiles

Duo grumbled as he trudged in from the sopping mess that was a swamp, half covered in mud and completely soaked through from the rain and flopped down in the kitchen and began pulling off his boots with a grimace when he saw mud had gotten inside and pulled off his socks as well, then his pants and shirt.

"Fuck you too mother nature." He grumbled as he used a rage that had once been a towl in the dilapedated shack and wiped himself off, laying his clothes out to dry and setting his boots in the sink to drip away there, simply throwing his muddy socks into the trashcan and mourning the loss of his last pair of socks.

"Oh, hey Duo." Quatre said with a grin as he walked in, putting on the safety and tucking the gun into his pants. "I see you got caught out in the storm, I saved a blanket for you if you'd like it."

Duo smiled up at him gratefully and stood, squeezing out his braid and clenching it in the dirty towel to get out what other wetness he could and followed after the blond.

"Is Heero here yet?" He asked, having not been able to notice Heero's beloved Wing anywhere and didn't want to walk into the boys room unannounced, especially when the last time he'd done that he'd gotten a hole in his shoulder and Heero glaring at him for the next week without speaking to him.

"No, I think he got delayed, the wind is going pretty fast in other places. They claimed a hurricane is on the way." He told Duo as they walked into the only bedroom where a ratty mattress was laying on the floor covered in a nest of warm looking blankets and the brunette grinned.

"Oh Quat, I freaking love you more than you know." Duo said and flopped onto the mattress with a groan as it pulled at strained muscles and he slid under the still warm blankets and scooted over as Quatre climbed in and the two snuggled together, Quatre staying awake to listen for intruders while Duo slept.

The blond soon became rather bored but thought of things to keep his mind alert, even though he was still rather sleepy he'd gotten in a good four hours while Duo must've just finally gotten some sleep after two days.

He stared at a stain on the ceiling for a little while, trying to make out if it had any shape to it other than a circle.

A soft thump had him tensing and Duo snorted then snapped awake at the feeling of Quatre's tensness and the blond pointed towards the hall and the two slowly stood, both pulling out the weapons they'd brought with them from their gundams.

The two crept into the house, Duo going strait to the kitchen/living room area to check the parimeter while Quatre carefully opened the three other door that lead to an office, a bathroom a closet. Finding only dead leaves or a hole in the wall he tapped a wall gently in their code for clear.

"I'm clear too." Duo called after a few more moments and the two relaxed.

"Do you think it was just something falling onto the roof?" Quatre asked as he walked out into the living room and Duo shrugged.

"It might've just been the wind making a peice of this shithole fall off."

"Or that. You go get some rest, I'll just keep watch out here so I don't fall asleep."

"Alright." Duo conceeded then walked back into the bedroom, eyes flying open at the sight of a fat toad on the pillow and quickly backed out, closing the door tightly. "Er, nevermind. Not so tired after all." He said with an uneasy chuckle and walked into the livingroom where Quatre gave him a look. Duo sighed. "Can I tell you a secret man that you can't tell anyone else?"

Quatre nodded, sitting straiter. "You can tell me anything Duo, I wont give it away even if they threaten to cut out my tongue."

Duo grinned at his friends gruesome promise. "Alright! Well, I er, I'm kinda freaked out by frogs and stuff. That's why I'm out here becaus there's a frog in on the bed."

Quatre looked a bit tense. "Duo, I completely understand where your coming from. I'm not to fond of snakes." They both shuddered as they thought of the slithering demons.

"Well then! Nice to know we're two peas in a pod on that matter. I feel like some coffee, you bring in your burner and kettle?" He asked the blond hopefully and cheered at the blond's nod. "Fantastic! This days already perking up! You go get that stuff while I go get some mugs." He walked into the kitchen and began opening the cupboards while Quatre went back to the room and quickly snatched the wanted items out of the room before the toad could get any closer.

A rather qirly scream rang through the house as Duo raced past and hid behind Quatre wiping at himself and shaking.

"What is it?" Quatre asked worriedly as they edged into the living room and paused as a large corn snake slid in from the kitchen, it's black tongue tasing the air. A scream crawled up his throat and he pushed the braided teen back as they cowered, both of them praying to their gods that the snake would go back into the kitchen.

Their gods decidedly didn't like them, as the snake zeroed in on the two and the scrambled to get away, hiding in the bathroom for awhile until a dound inside the kettle made the two pause then pull back the lid, Duo drooping it with a squeak as he saw a tiny frog which hopped out and they bolted into the office accross the hall, both shrieking in fear as they nearly stepped on the dreaded snake that had been trying to figue a way into the bathroom.

The office was leaking everywhere, there even being a large hole in the cieling and soon the two were soaked.

"Do you think it's gone?" Quatre asked quietly and Duo shrugged. "You should check."

Duo glared at him fearfully. "You check. I'm not gonna let that snake bite me."

Quatre shook his head. "No way, nu uh." Quatre mumbled and the two sat shivering and wishing the snake would go away.

There were sounds of someone entering their safehouse and the two were worried for a moment until Heero's nasal baritone filled the air.

"02? 04?" He called out and the replied. They heard footsteps come towards the door, both of them panicking as the door awung open and the snake slithered in.

"Ah! Get it get it get it get it!" Quatre squaked as they crawled up onto the desk, clinging to each other.

Duo was mumbling a prayer under his breath as the snake lifted itself up and tasted the air again.

Heero gave them a look as he walked over and picked up the snake. "It's harmless you idiots."

"I don't care!"

"Snakes are satan's advocates!" The two barked at the same time and Heero stared blankly at the two before he remembered back to the months before when Duo had teased him about his fear of spiders and the nervous tick he'd obtained that night from flies.

Duo seemed to have been thinking about that as well as he was shaking his head with wide eyes.

Both bolted off screaming as Heero thrust the snake towards their faces and Heero cackled to himself, regaining his composure as he silently followed the squealing teens around the house, mostly torturing Duo.

"Okay okay! I'm sorry I'm sorry!" Duo pleaded as Heero slowly approached, the braided teen having been cornered in the pantry. "I'll never make fun of you about spiders again I'm sorry please get it away from me oh god oh god oh god!" He squealed as Heero moved it closer.

"You swear preacher boy?" Heero hissed, glaring victoriously.

"Yeah! I swear on god and all that jazz just GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" Duo whimpered.

Heero smugly stroked the snakes head before he opened a window and dropped it onto the ground outside where it slithered away.

"Um, Heero? Could you... maybe get rid of the other things too?" Duo asked quietly and the brunette rolled his eyes and helped the two.

Days later after Heero had left with Quatre Duo was climbing into his gundam, screaming and nearly falling to his death when he caught the sight of a snake on the controls of his baby, snarling when he realized it was only a rubber one and angrily chucked it from the cockpit then buckled in.

Heero was so dead.

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Thank you for reading! Tell me what you think? Have any suggestions or phobia's you think would be entertaining for the other four to have feel free to tell me. (Those four being Trowa, Wu Fei, Trieze and Zechs) And I might throw in the girls as well.


End file.
